Things I Wish Everyone Knew on Facebook

Pictures of you with your spouse on Facebook are all well and good, but not when you look like a fisherman showing off your latest catch.

“Look what I got, y’all!”

 

A certain level of PDA is perhaps also fine, but anything that you would not do in front of your imam or parents probably shouldn’t be posted online.

 

If your spouse bought you a gift of flowers, jewelry, etc, only share pictures of them with people to whom you would actually say in real life, “Look what my hubby got me! Isn’t it great?”  Sharing such info with people outside your close circle can lead them to feeling envy and resentment.

 

Not every quote pasted in an interesting font in front of a stock landscape photo is deep or meaningful.

How to inspire others (?)

 

There is a fine line between pictures that are flattering and those that are outright deceptive.

 

Extreme closeups of your beautiful eyes, lips or other features are certainly attractive, but often seem like a cry for attention. If you wouldn’t let someone get that close to your face in real life, then it may be better to zoom out a little.

 

Please don’t use gang signs if you don’t know what they mean.

 

Passive-aggressive status messages (that direct a message to a general ‘type’ of people who say, do or believe a certain thing) are usually ineffective and make you look self-righteous.

 

The insistence with which you ask me to ‘like’ or ‘subscribe’ to something is conversely related to how likely I am to do it.

 

The only thing more annoying than reading a message that was poorly worded, misspelled, or structured in a grammatically awkward way is reading your pithy correction of that message.

 

Broad complaints about Facebook being a corruption of meaningful discourse, relationships, or religious boundaries loses some merit when you are using the very thing you are condemning.

 

If you send a friend request with an obscure nickname, your profile picture set to a random stock photo, and no personal information visible about you, I really don’t know who you are (and probably won’t add you.)

 

Graphic pictures of dead children or other grave and serious images of war and tragedy are jarring and out of place on a newsfeed between people’s Instagram shots of their newest outfits and the latest amusing Youtube video.

 

Please only share pictures of whatever food you’re eating if you are willing to deliver some to my house (Or at least share the recipe.)

 

Sharing your opinion about political issues or religious matters when you have no qualification to do is is just like a child trying to talk like a grown up: It’s cute, but don’t expect anyone to take you seriously.

 

 Pictures of cats are always acceptable.

Example of acceptable cat photo. Due to its high cuteness level it can be inserted anywhere on Facebook, even mid-sentence.

Love me.

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